Mean Girls, Mom Groups, and What You Should Take Away From the Ashley Tisdale French Situation

Look, I've seen some things spiral out of control. Friendships. Marketing campaigns. My attempts at assembling IKEA furniture. But watching the Ashley Tisdale French mom-group essay situation unfold in real time? That was like watching someone accidentally reply-all to an email complaining about their boss. You know it's going to be bad. You just can't look away.

For those who missed it, the actress published an essay in The Cut about leaving her mom group, and what followed was a masterclass in how not to handle personal storytelling when you have a public platform. As PR and communications professionals, we should probably take notes. Preferably in a private journal that we never, ever publish.

THE BACKSTORY YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR BUT I'M TELLING YOU ANYWAY

It started innocently enough. Tisdale French wrote a reflective piece on her Substack about feeling excluded from her friend group and deciding to exit the group chat. We've all been there. Group chats are basically digital hostage situations anyway.

Then The Cut picked it up, expanded it, and reframed the whole thing as a cultural commentary on mean girl dynamics among moms. Suddenly, a personal processing moment became tabloid fodder. Adjacent celebrities started getting dragged into the conversation. Denials were issued. Husbands posted snarky comments on social media. It was chaos. Beautiful, teachable chaos.

So what can those of us in the public relations industry actually learn from this spectacular unraveling? Quite a bit, actually.

VAGUENESS IS JUST SPECULATION WEARING A TRENCH COAT

Here's the thing about being strategically vague: it doesn't work. Tisdale French went out of her way to avoid naming names. She even asked readers not to do some investigating like they were on CSI. Which, if you know anything about the internet, is essentially handing out magnifying glasses and deerstalker hats at the door.

She mentioned these unnamed friends were well-known individuals building personal brands who frequently post group gatherings on social media. At that point, you might as well include headshots and LinkedIn profiles. The internet solved this mystery faster than I solve the question of whether I should have a second cup of coffee. The answer is always yes, by the way.

When you're crafting any kind of public communication, remember this: partial anonymity is a fantasy. If you include enough context for people to connect the dots, they will connect those dots. They will connect them aggressively. They will make it their entire personality for a weekend. Either protect identities completely or accept that you've essentially written a press release with a thin disguise.

This is exactly why working with experienced PR strategists matters. Someone outside the emotional situation can spot these landmines before you step directly on them while wearing metaphorical flip-flops.

THE COUNTERINTUITIVE ART OF KEEPING YOUR MOUTH CLOSED

Once the speculation machine started churning, Tisdale French made what we in the business call a choice. She had her publicist reach out to TMZ to deny certain celebrities were involved. Which, predictably, did not make the story go away. It gave the story a protein shake and a gym membership.

Shortly after the denial, Hilary Duff's husband Matthew Koma posted a mocking response on social media. Now we had contradictions, confusion and a whole new news cycle. The attempt to control the narrative didn't control anything. It just proved that sometimes the best response is no response at all.

This is a hard pill for communications professionals to swallow. We're trained to respond. To clarify. To get ahead of the story. But there are moments when engaging just fans the flames. Responding doesn't always mean controlling the conversation. Sometimes it just gives your problem a second wind and puts even more eyeballs on the very thing you wanted to go away.

THE VICTIM NARRATIVE NEEDS MORE THAN JUST FEELINGS

The essay framed Tisdale French's experience in pretty simple terms: she was excluded, therefore, the group was toxic. That framing may be emotionally valid, but from a storytelling perspective, it's thin.

What's missing is the complexity that gives personal essays credibility. There's little reflection on how misalignment or miscommunication might have contributed to the breakdown. Without meaningful self-examination, the piece reads as self-centered rather than self-reflective. And audiences can smell that from a mile away.

Here's where it gets interesting. Tisdale French actually acknowledged in the essay that another mom was frequently excluded in the early days of the group. She admitted she recognized the pattern but didn't dwell on it because she was happy to have found these friends. By her own telling, she saw the behavior and benefited from it until she became its target.

Even one line admitting she should have done more for that other mom would have helped. Vulnerability earns trust only when it's paired with perspective. Without that self-awareness, even honest emotion can alienate the very audience you're trying to reach.

NOT EVERY FEELING DESERVES A MAGAZINE FEATURE

Timing matters. Distance matters. Perspective matters. Especially when publishing in a high-visibility outlet like The Cut.

The original Substack post made sense as a personal processing exercise. Expanding it into a magazine thinkpiece was where things went sideways. Just because a moment is emotionally loud doesn't mean it's editorially strong. The focus remained squarely on the narrator's hurt without widening into a cultural insight that justified the scale of the platform.

For executives and public figures with any kind of following, this is worth tattooing somewhere visible. Deeply personal opinions rarely stay contained once they're public. That Substack post reaches your subscribers. A feature in a major publication reaches everyone, including the people you were writing about and their husbands, who apparently have time to post on social media.

Think twice before hitting publish. Then think a third time. Then maybe sleep on it. Then ask a trusted advisor who has no emotional investment in the situation. Then maybe still don't publish it.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOUR COMMUNICATIONS STRATEGY

The Tisdale French situation offers a few clear lessons for anyone managing public communications.

First, review your content through the lens of unintended identification. If someone could figure out who you're talking about, assume they will figure out who you're talking about. Plan accordingly.

Second, build response protocols that include the option of silence. Not every story requires a statement. Sometimes the best press strategy is letting something die of natural causes instead of performing CPR on it via TMZ.

Third, ensure any personal narrative includes genuine self-reflection. One-sided victim positioning may feel satisfying in the moment but tends to backfire with audiences who crave complexity and honesty. 

Fourth, match your platform to your purpose. A processing exercise belongs in a journal or a small Substack audience. A magazine feature needs a broader cultural thesis that extends beyond personal grievance.

THE BOTTOM LINE

The Ashley Tisdale French essay situation is a reminder that personal storytelling carries professional consequences. What reads as catharsis to the writer may read as carelessness to the audience. And in a media environment where everything can be screenshotted, analyzed and mocked by someone's husband, the stakes are higher than they've ever been.

For PR professionals, this is both a cautionary tale and a teaching opportunity. Sometimes the best communications strategy is the one that never makes it to publication in the first place. And sometimes silence really is golden.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go delete about fourteen draft posts I was definitely never going to publish anyway.

READY TO AVOID YOUR OWN PR SPIRAL?

Look, we can't promise to save you from every group chat drama or ill-advised Substack post. But we can help you craft communications strategies that won't end up as cautionary tales on PR blogs.

Whether you need help with executive messaging, crisis communications or just someone to gently tell you that maybe this particular essay should stay in your drafts folder, the team at Winsome Marketing is here to help.

Get in touch today and let's make sure your next story is one you actually want people talking about.